YOU'RE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE

The devil stops by my house every other Wednesday evening. . .perhaps he visits your home too. Oh, he’s cleverly disguised, but I am fairly certain that it is indeed Satan. He drives his large yellow truck filled with frozen, fat-laden, calorie-rich goodness and I just can’t resist him. Yes, I am a little ashamed to admit it, but I succumb to his evils bi-monthly. You may know him as the Schwan Man, but I know better. He comes to my door with a smile and his booklet in hand, patiently waiting for my order that he is all-too-sure will be forthcoming. I have the best of intentions of just ordering, say, perhaps a half-gallon of that delicious vanilla ice cream, and then with a twinkle in his eye, he’ll say, “sorry – I ran out of that a few stops ago - - but I do have it available in the gallon.” I’ll think about it for a moment, then give in to his temptations and order the full gallon. “That’s all,” I tell myself, but Satan isn’t ready to release yet. . . oh no. . . he is just getting started.

“You know, we have a deal going that if you order a gallon of ice cream and one other item, you can pick a half gallon of ice cream free,” says my tempter. “Really?” I respond, and start flipping through the catalog filled with his tasty treats. He now has me where he wants me.

“Did you like that turkey tenderloin and gravy that you had last month?” he innocently asks. There is no sense in lying to the devil – he can see right through it. “Yes,” I answer truthfully, “It was good.” In the back of my mind I am thinking about how easy it had been to come home from work that day and just pop the turkey entrée into the oven, and then an hour later, dinner was ready. Oh my goodness - - this is just how Satan wants me to think - - now he is beginning to control my thoughts too!

OK – deep breath - - I had to gain control. But soon I spy the delicious wild rice soup bowls. We had them just last week - - so easy, yet so tasty. I think that they will be great to take in my lunch to work, so I ask him to grab me a package of those. He sighs, trying to appear sympathetic and says, “sorry – but those are seasonal - we’re not carrying it right now.” But then, he brightens, “Oh – we do have our chicken tortilla soup – it’s really good! I just had it for dinner myself tonight.” “LIAR!” I think, “you’re just working your wily ways on me!” I then say, “OK – grab me some of those.”

He adds, “You know – another good thing to take to work are the chicken lo mein bowls.” My ears perk up. I love lo mein, but I am the only one in my house who eats it, so we seldom have it when we order at a Chinese restaurant. Those get added to my order as well.

I suddenly come to my senses and get a hold of myself. “Enough!” I say. “Total it up!” He punches some buttons on his magic devil calculator and gives me my total. As he runs out to his truck to fetch my purchases, I sit down at the kitchen table, defeated, and write out my check. Satan wins again (and yet today for lunch, I will enjoy tasty chicken tortilla soup. . .)

THE DEVIL'S CHARIOT AWAITS HIM