ROCK CLIMBING

It was a beautiful sunny day in Central Illinois, so we took the kids to the zoo this afternoon. We had covered about two-thirds of the zoo when we came to the herpaquarium where most of the reptiles and amphibians are housed. The kids always stop right outside this building and touch the shells of the tortoises that stay in a low fenced area to the left of the herpaquarium door. As we came up the hill to the building today, I noticed that one tortoise had its mouth wide open and appeared to be attempting to climb up a large rock. Not wanting the kids to get bit, I told them, "don't touch the tortoise with its mouth open."

However, as we got a little closer, I realized that the large rock he was climbing was actually another tortoise. The kids both stopped and stared at the male tortoise as he made steady grunting, bark-like noises. Maggie commented, "I'm not touching that one! He's mad about something." Chris and I just gave each other "the look" and ushered the kids inside the herpaquarium. After looking at the snakes and frogs and iguanas and turtles, I said to Chris, "how fast do you think we can get them out the door?"

Apparently, not fast enough. The male turtle was still rhythmically barking away as we exited the building and Maggie again stopped to comment. "He is sure upset about something! He's really angry, isn't he, Mommy? Maybe it's because that other tortoise won't get out of his way."

"Hmm...could be," I responded - while trying not to laugh at the look Chris was giving me. As we went on to the next exhibit, Maggie again asked, "Mommy - why was the tortoise doing that?" I began to figure she understood that there was a deeper explanation that what I had been offering, so I finally told the truth. I explained that they were trying to make tortoise babies. I explained that is what they had to do for the tortoise to get pregnant and lay eggs with baby tortoises in them.

She digested this truth for a moment and then said, "to make babies, he has to climb on her back and make weird noises?" Not wanting to continue the discussion any further, I just replied, "Yep - that's about right." She then said, "Are you just kidding me?" I laughed and assured her I was telling her the truth....but I am not sure she believed me.

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL ZOO - - A GREAT PLACE FOR KIDS TO LEARN FIRSTHAND ABOUT THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

PART TWO: THE BIRDS AND THE BEES . . . AND THE PUPPIES AND THE CHICKENS

If you read my blog yesterday, you discovered how Maggie, our seven year old, has started asking those questions that every parent dreads. Actually, she started asking those questions a few years ago, when our sister-in-law was pregnant with our niece, Kaylin. You know, I try to think of myself as a with-it, intelligent parent, but using the words “penis” and “vagina” in a conversation with my child are certainly not the highlights of my day. Of late, her questions about how babies are made are much more focused on how animal babies are made. If you missed yesterday’s blog, it is important you get caught up before you look ahead at today’s entry.

Being the super-great mom that I am and wanting to help sate my child’s curiosity, as well as allow her to understand that it is ok to ask questions, I decided to head to the library. It has become obvious from the confused looks I am getting from Maggie that she really isn’t grasping my fact spiel about animal procreation. I think I may have confused her even more actually. I thought it might be helpful to pick up some books on the subject so that she could see some drawing and illustrations to assist me in explaining just how babies are made.

I have been really busy at work these days, and left work late on my way to the library. Not wanting to spend too much time there, I found the appropriate section, and quickly grabbed a few titles that I thought would be suitable for our needs. I figured I could look through them after the kids were in bed and decide which would be the best to use.

I had told Chris I was stopping by the library on the way home, but hadn’t explained why. After I got home, I set the books on a higher counter that the kids don’t use, and started helping Maggie with her homework. I figured I would explain all about the books to him later. However, he stumbled on them before I had a chance to explain. He pulled me aside with one of the books in hand, and said, “what in hell’s name are you thinking?” Now keep in mind, I hadn’t really had a chance to look through the books while I was at the library.

I couldn’t contain my laughter as we flipped through this particular book, and immediately I knew, I just knew, what today’s blog would feature. So, without further ado. . . . I must present some excerpts from Schepp and Andry’s book, How Babies Are Made.

This first featured drawing shows that female chickens have eggs and male chickens have sperm. OK - so far, so good. These are basic enough facts - are you with me so far?

Here's where things start to go awry. First, the rooster spies the chicken and decides that he wants to get him some of that. Bend over, let me see ya shake a tail feather. . .

It doesn't take long for the funky chicken dance to begin. Dear Lord, how could I possibly explain this one to a seven year old?

Mission Accomplished - We now see the sperm heading toward the eggs. (Sidenote: What is wrong with this chicken? Does it never walk upright?)

I wonder if Maggie will be as keen on eating eggs once she figures out that the come from a chicken's butt?

The rooster is looking at his new little chick like he is his pride and joy. Wonder how the little chick will feel once he finds out that his ol' rooster daddy likes to spread the love around the barnyard, and that there's a little chick, chick here, a chick, chick there, here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick, chick.

Leaving the barnyard behind, we move onto Rover. Oh how cute! Rover has learned to sit up and beg! While he's sitting so nicely, let's check out his penis and testicles!





Bow, wow. No foreplay here. Rover gets right to it.

Don't run right out and try to check this book out from the Decatur Public Library! It is still at home on my kitchen counter. You will have to wait your turn.