IT'S A HARD JOB, BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

My job requires that I travel from time to time. Some people really hate to travel - - I don't mind it so much. I am never usually gone for more than two or three days at a stretch, and even then, it is only every few months. Some people will actually ask me, "who takes care of the kids while you're gone?" as if a father is completely incapable of running the household in my absence. Contrary to popular belief from 1956, Chris is more than able to carry on with life when I am gone for a few days (he does, however, insist that the kids' hair be braided before I leave so that all he has to do is oil it in the morning. I came home once after Aleita had swimming lessons and he actually did have to wash it. He had sent that child to school with a big ol' head full of some nappy hair....practically a Don King afro....she was not happy.) At any rate, other than hair-doin', is a very good dad and more than capable of feeding, bathing, clothing, homework-helping, and general kid-takin'-care-of when I am gone. I never worry about them because I know I am leaving them in very capable hands. Plus - it gives the girls a little bonding time with dear old dad.

Sure, I miss them - and Chris too - - when I travel. Do you feel a big BUT coming on? Look out . . here it comes!!! BUT, I don't always mind being gone, as long as if it isn't for too long. SHHHH!!! Don't tell anyone!!! Good mothers and wives aren't supposed to enjoy being apart from their beloved ones. Damn. There goes my mother-of-the-year award.

Actually, this isn't a big surprise to Chris. He knows that while I don't always enjoy being gone, every once in a while, it isn't exactly torture either. I am actually writing this blog from St. Charles, IL, where I have been staying at Pheasant Run Resort since Sunday evening. I have been doing my conference duty during the day - today I took a class to renew my principal's certificate for the year. However, of an evening, I have gone Christmas shopping and taken in a movie. I slept later than I normally get to during the week, got myself ready without having to dress anyone else or make anyone breakfast, and ate dinner in peaceful silence while reading my book. I helped no one with second grade math homework tonight, and I did not have to enforce punishment on a four year old who was a hellion again today at preschool (I hear there is another rock from Santa in her near future. . . but that is a story for another day. . . . )

Do I miss them? Of course! Am I enjoying a little time to myself? Uh...yeah. But - tomorrow after my sessions at the conference, I will head home. . .And I am very much looking forward to hugs and kisses all around from my loved ones. They will be glad to have me back home, and I will be glad to be there.

Traveling for work . . . .part of my job. . . have to do it. . . but not always a bad thing.

Is Dad "BABYSITTING" tonight?

The other day I as I was getting my hair done, I was talking to the lady who was in the hairdresser's station next to mine. We had figured out that we both had children around the same age - - mine are 6 and 3, hers 8 and 4. She also happens to be a mom who, like me, works full time. We were discussing some of the difficulties in balancing family life with work life. At some point, I mentioned that I have to occasionally travel for my job. I explained that it is only usually for a few nights, and then, it is only about every other month. Often when I tell people this, I get a variant of the same response: "Who takes care of the kids while you're gone?" I always answer, "well, their dad, of course!" This response tends to really impress people. This particular occasion was no different. My new acquaintance was surprised to find out that my husband is totally responsible for getting the kids ready and to school each morning, picking them up after school, cooking meals, giving baths, doing stories and bedtime. . .the whole nine yards. . .when I am traveling. She just shook her head and said, "if I had to be gone like that, my husband would take the kids to my mom's house."

When I get these type of responses from people, I am always just a bit baffled. Is the expectation for fathers these days really that low? With more and more women working outside the home, I can't even imagine being in a marriage where it wasn't an equal partnership. Chris and I have an accepted rhythm of what each of our responsibilities are around the house: I take care of the grocery shopping, most of the cooking, the finances, taking care of the flowers outside, and most of the cleaning. Chris takes care of mowing and trimming, and most of the laundry and ironing. That's right - - I said my husband does most of the laundry and ironing. Chris attributes the time he spent working in a dry cleaners in high school and college for his top-notch ironing skills - - and he actually doesn't mind doing it. I have only to hang my clothes that I want to wear to work the next day on the ironing board, and they are pressed and ready to go before we go to bed that night. When most women I know hear this, they think that is just incredible. I DO appreciate that he does this - - I really do (especially because I hate ironing) but I don't get why it is such a huge deal to have a husband who actually helps out around the house. Don't we both work full time hours?

In the same vein, it seems that most people don't think much of it when the husband has to travel for work and the wife is left at home to take care of the house and kids. Why then, are women who have to travel for work looked upon by many so unfavorably? When men have to travel for their jobs, people say, "oh - poor you for having to travel and be away from home." When women have to travel for work, people say, "you should be home with your kids" (OK -they often don't say it, but you can tell they're thinking it.) If the woman takes care of the house and kids while her husband is gone, she is just doing her job - it is expected. If the man takes care of the house and kids while his wife is gone, he is deemed practically a saint. Don't get me wrong, I think my husband is great - - and he really is a wonderful dad - I would never want it to seem like I am trying to take something away from him. I just wonder why, here in the 21st century, are such antiquated gender biases still so inherent in our culture?