I COME BEARING GIFTS

I have discovered a slightly passive-aggressive side to myself that I never knew existed. What has brought on this behavior, you might ask? It has to do with seven year olds….more specifically, the parents of seven year olds.

First grade seems to be the age of the whole class birthday party. Maggie has received at least eight or nine invitations to birthday parties this year that have involved her entire class. She herself had a whole class birthday party at McDonald’s back in November. However, the one caveat I had when she requested a whole class party was that I was not going to allow her fellow classmates to come bearing gifts. If she wanted a party, it was going to be a “let’s get together and have fun” celebration, not a “let’s get together and bring the birthday girl a whole bunch of crap she doesn’t need” celebration. I wanted the focus to be on the kids playing and having fun - - not on sitting around and watching Maggie open presents.

I explained to Maggie that I didn’t want the other kids in her class to feel an obligation to bring a present, as though that was their admission ticket to get into the party. I explained that I didn’t want the kids to feel that had to spend money in order to celebrate her birthday with her. She seemed to understand this concept and be very much ok with it. I told Chris that I hoped that other parents would get her invitation that read in bold letters, “NO GIFTS PLEASE” and be inclined to follow suit. If nothing else, I was hoping that I could shame them into doing the same for their kids birthday parties. I was throwing down the birthday party gauntlet.

I suppose I highly overestimated the amount of shame felt by others, because only one other family has followed suit with my “NO GIFTS PLEASE” example. Maggie received an invitation to a birthday party this coming Saturday for a boy in her class that is being held at the Children’s Museum. Of course, I was disappointed when I saw that it failed to include “NO GIFTS PLEASE.” It’s not the money - - really…though going to eight or nine birthday parties for classmates at $10 a pop for a gift can indeed add up. (She actually hasn’t attended all of them due to other obligations….but still.)

Now I must explain where the passive-aggressive part comes in to this scenario. My way of making up for being required to purchase my kid's admission to the party is by purchasing a birthday gift that the kid will absolutely love and the parents will hate. For the last party Maggie went to, I bought the birthday girl Play-Doh, fingernail polish, and a Bratz lipstick. For this party, I bought the birthday boy a container of colored slime and an egg that you put in water and when it dissolves, there are tiny little bones of a dinosaur that you have to put together to make a 3-D model. I really thought of doing worse - - I scanned the arts and crafts aisle for paints, but ultimately decided to skip it since I would have to buy paint and paper, which would have ended up getting to be more than I wanted to spend.

I know, I know…I am so immature, right? My hope is that through my clever use of creative birthday gift selection, I can allow these parents to see the error of their ways and encourage them to include those three all-important words on their kid’s next birthday announcement, “NO GIFTS PLEASE!”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU . . . .

I know, I know. . .it's been awhile. I feel like I am finally starting to get a handle on daily life once again now that moving is behind us. The house is now livable, and we have quite a bit of stuff put away. Most all of the painting is done and the main floor and upstairs rooms are relatively clutter and box free. The basement still resembles a packing plant, but time will be needed to go through all the boxes and put the "stuff" in its proper place.

This past weekend, Maggie turned seven. It is hard to believe that ready or not, time marches on. In a moment of weakness, or perhaps insanity, I decided to let Maggie have that McDonald's birthday party she's always wanted. The "good" factors - relatively inexpensive, no cleanup afterwards, no getting ready for it, and no cooking. The "not-so-good" factor? Inviting all 21 members of her first grade class.

In reality, only 14 kids showed up. Being around other people's children who were also my daughter's age for a little over an hour really helped me take stock and realize that my kid is pretty darn well behaved. For instance, when we are out somewhere and I tell my child it is time to go, she says, "ok" and we leave. I saw at least two parents who had to physically restrain their children to keep them from climbing back in the funland plaything when they told them it was time to go. My child would have got a butt smack if she would have tried that little trick, and I wouldn't have cared who saw me do it.

One thing that really made me proud of Maggie was that I told her beforehand that if we were having a birthday party for her whole class, that I was putting on the invitations, "NO GIFTS PLEASE" and she was perfectly fine with that. I just wanted the kids to be able to come and eat cheeseburgers and cake and ice cream and play in the germ-laden play thing and not worry about having to buy a gift. Quite frankly, I also didn't think Maggie needed to have all the junk that I am sure would have come from her classmates. (She did have a family party on Sunday where she got presents.)

Maggie has been invited to two birthday parties in the last month. She only attended one of them. The one she didn't attend was held at Chuck E. Cheese in Bloomington and the mom rented a school bus to take all the kids there. I thought it was a little too over-the-top for me, plus we don't really know their family, so sending my child 50 miles away via school bus just didn't seem like a good idea. The party that she did attend was held at the YMCA here in town. On the invitation, the mother had actually written: "4 - 5pM - swimming; 5 - 6PM - eat cake and open gifts." In other words, BRING A GIFT! It's not as if I wouldn't have sent Maggie with a gift, but c'mon - a little class here, please! I must say though, I responded in kind: the gift Maggie brought? A multi-pack of Play Doh and 2 bottles of fingernail polish. Enjoy, mom.